Covenant Church

More than ten years ago a person with whom I had enjoyed a good relationship came into the pastor’s office. That he was upset was apparent. What proceeded from his lips indicated the level of his frustration:

“Pastor, someone told me that you ___________(reader can fill in the blank). I cannot believe that you have done that!”

It is hard to put the water back in the pond after the dam breaks. Prayer is a good thing when a finger is wagging in your eyes and the face of the wagging finger is red. Praise the Lord for the comfort of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of James 1:5.

When he ran out of breath my response was: “Can I ask you a question?” and then I proceeded. “How long have you known me?”

As if a little caught off guard he responded: “Twelve years.”

I continued: “Would you do me a favor. Take all that you have ever heard me say or do and pile it up in a pile between the two of us. Consider the pile of your memories of me as my character. Ask yourself the question if the accusation against me is consistent with the character of my life.”

He immediately dropped his head and said: “I am sorry, Pastor. You would not do that. Forgive me.”

Please allow the personal story to give a chance for reflection on relationships.

1. Value relationships. Build them up. Do not tear them down.
2. When you make a friend keep the friend.
3. Never allow anyone to divide you from a friend.
4. Remember, anyone being negative about your friend may make you the next target of negativism.
5. Never forget, there are folks who simply never believe that good things happen.
   Laila and I served a church in Wytheville, Virginia for over five years. It was a terrific journey. The Lord dealt with me to alter course. We wept and cried, loved the people, and said “Goodbye”. The last two weeks were two of the finest weeks of our time with that congregation. Years later we passed through the city and met a person who said: “O.K., you have been gone long enough to tell the REAL reason why you left. What was wrong?”
6. Never believe a third party who is telling you something negative about a person who is not present. The Bible is clear that truth of accusation must be revealed in the presence of two or more (reliable) witnesses. (Matthew 18:18)
7. Remember it is the biblical responsibility of a person to take a grievance directly to the person…no go-betweens. The presentation of the offense must be in form that allows the accused the right of honest presentation without battle lines. It is terribly embarrassing to accuse someone only to discover that the accused is innocent! (Matthew 18:15)
8. Enter discussion of differences with a mindset to be friends after the discussion. Beginning a discussion with animosity virtually guarantees a downhill conversation and loss of relationship.
9. Never trust people who insist they will only be your friend if YOU WILL NOT BE FRIENDS WITH THEIR ENEMY. This is childish. Remember the little notes as children: “I will be your friend, if you will not be “Sally’s” friend”.
10. Remember the Lord was accused and innocent.
11. Remember that the accused may have made a mistake without realizing it.
12. God said every man is accused and guilty, but He sent Jesus to give a second chance.
13. Count yourself rich with friends. Enemies do not come to your rescue when you are in need. Friends do.
14. The Bible says a soft answer turns wrath away. Conversely, this means that a hard answer drives friends away. (Proverbs 15:1)
15. Life is sweeter when you do not demand that others always agree with you.
16. Relationship building takes time, requires effort, and produces the fruit of happiness and fullness of life.
17. The best friendship will have times of testing. IRON sharpens iron. (Proverbs 27:17)
18. Think of good relationship as an investment. A lot of time and effort is committed. Treasure the investment. Preserve the relationship.

You can add to this letter your own thoughts. Hopefully, what I have written will encourage you to place greater value on relationships.

One final word, Christ has called us to be a testimony of his love for us. People do not tend to see Christ in us if they do not have a good relationship with us.

Much love—

Pastor Bare

Ref: Read about David and Jonathon, Jesus and Disciples, Paul and Timothy for studies in relationship building.