Covenant Church

On December 18 Laila and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage. That is exactly one week before Christmas.

Laila says she will never again marry me at Christmas time! Two factors impact her strong feelings. First, I am a pastor, and the Christmas Season is very intensive in the Christian Church. Second, gift giving seems to get all wrapped up in one package, since the dates are so close together.

Actually, Laila and I met about three years before marriage. That makes a total of 43 years we have been important in each other’s lives. She was important to me when I was an unknown to her. I saw her across the cafeteria in college. Her modest and attractive dress added to the rest of a pleasing package spoke to me heart: “I want to get better acquainted with that girl,” I said to myself.

She was an only child, daughter of a pastor, adopted, much loved, and on her way to a profession and dream that included a Jaquar. A husband was not in her immediate portfolio. Added to this sense of security was the determination that she would not marry someone of another church, though we were both Pentecostals.

I knocked on the door of her heart time and again to hear her say things like: “Exactly why do I need you? I am happy. I am loved. My life is full. Why do I need you? What is it that you can add to my life?”

Telling her that I was tall and handsome was not convincing. There were other men who met these qualifications that were interested. I was not rich. I had little to offer. But I kept knocking on the door with red roses and love letters (which I still write to her).

It took some doing to convince her that she was the only woman in the world out of about 3,000,000,000 that could make my life full and happy. That too was not enough. I had to convince her that all her dreams could be wrapped up in me. If she would marry me I would insure her love, security, and the most happiness possible. One thing more, she was insistent that my love for Jesus be total.

The bells rang. We were married by a minister of her denomination in a very old historic Episcopal church. Our honeymoon was in a 1959 Silver Hawk Studebaker. Our move to our first tiny apartment was to tow a cut-off pickup bed loaded with wedding gifts. This was the sum total of our worldly possessions.

I cannot tell you that we have never had a difference of opinion. It would be more real to tell you that at least once each day we vary on our thoughts about a subject or aspect of our relationship. For example, I like to wake up and talk immediately. She wakes up slowly. She may whisper: “Why don’t you go read your Bible for a while?” Translated that means, “I would like a few more minutes with my pillow IN SILENCE!”

We have learned that life will never teach us all the differences between a man and a woman. There are mysteries not unfolded after 43 years. We have learned a lot about discussion. We have learned that most of the differences we experience are forgotten quickly, but that a bruise of relationship takes time to heal.

I have learned other lessons. Recently Laila said to me: “What do you want for Christmas?” I thoughtfully responded: “I am happy. I cannot think of a thing I want except for you to be happy. Just love me and that will be my Christmas present.”

Do not oOH and aAH! Laila was not impressed. She calmly replied: “You still don’t get it, do you? I grew up with my family making Christmas an event. I like presents. They do not have to be big or expensive. But I like to open presents.”

You may surmise that I am up this AM long before daylight trying to think about what to get this woman. I am not enough. She wants something wrapped in a box. I don’t want to be wrapped in a box. Because I love her I must get my pastor mind into a shopping mode.

Why do angels not give husbands a list? We husbands tend to be left-brained when it comes to shopping for women. How do you sort out all the millions of objects and afford special things that when opened speak thoughtfulness, time, and love?

Laila says it is not so much about what it is. She says that the idea that I would take time to struggle with the decisions and wrap it up is special. Wrap it up? Oh, but I prefer just a pretty gift bag with tissue, though I need lessons on how to put the tissue paper into the bag, i.e., my efforts just tend to look like crumpled paper.

She has taught me a lot about patience and love. Laila helps me to slow down for relationships. She insists I help with getting ready for Christmas, but refuses to allow me to decorate a tree. Figure it out for yourself, men. Women know why.

Me? I am glad I got married at Christmas. The world is decorated with lights and scenes that speak of the love of God. Laila and I ride and hold hands, sharing memories and dreams yet to be lived, and rejoice for God and His goodness in our lives. We thank God for the treasure of our family, Covenant Church, and the host of precious people who have graced our lives. We praise the Lord for giving to us friends around the world who are dear as family. We pretend that people have decorated their houses with lights both to honor Jesus AND in celebration of our anniversary!

I think Christmas is wrapped up in one word: LOVE! Hope you love. Don’t fret that you do not have it all figured out. Just keep on convincing others how important they are in your life. Keep on working on relationships. Keep on with Jesus and be sure that you convince Our Lord Jesus that you have no desire to live without his love.

My hope is that you will have a blessed Christmas! You will, if you have Christ.

Happiness to you,
Pastor Bare