Accused
Judge: What are the charges against the defendant?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, the defendant is charged with being a Christian.
Judge to Defendant: How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
Defendant: Guilty.
Judge: You understand that a plea of guilty could mean execution?
Defendant: Yes, your Honor.
Judge (sits silently and speaks to Prosecutor): I want to hear some evidence.
Prosecutor: Your Honor, we call Witness Smith, a neighbor of the defendant.
Witness Smith: (Testifies to seeing Defendant leave home and go to church with a Bible in his hand.)
Prosecutor to Witness: Did the defendant go to church every Sunday?
Witness: No, only once in a while.
Prosecutor: Do you have any knowledge of what the Defendant did on Sundays when he did not go to church?
Witness: Some Sundays he went riding on his motorcycle; some Sundays he took his boat out, and some Sundays no one came out of the house until noon.
Prosecutor: Did you ever see the witness read his Bible?
Witness: Can’t say that I ever have. I did hear him quote it sometimes, but when I went to the library and looked up what he said was in the Bible, it was all mixed up.
Prosecutor: I call the pastor of the church.
Prosecutor to Pastor: Do you know the defendant?
Pastor: Yes.
Prosecutor: How well did you know the defendant?
Pastor: He occasionally attends church.
Prosecutor: How many times in a year did he attend, on average, to the best of your memory.
Pastor: Six or eight.
Prosecutor: Did he participate? Was he baptized? Was he a member?
Pastor: No, he was always friendly, but non-committal.
Prosecutor: I call the treasurer of the church.
Prosecutor to Treasurer: You realize that you are under oath. I ask you, did the defendant financially contribute to the church?
Treasurer: Yes.
Prosecutor: You have been asked to bring the church record of the defendant to this court. Will you please tell the court how much the defendant gave to the church last year?
Treasurer: $325.
Prosecutor: Was any of the $325 designated tithes? If not, how was it designated?
Treasurer: $200 for candy for kids at Christmas, and $125 for the building fund.
Prosecutor: I call Witness Jones, a fellow employee of the defendant.
Prosecutor to Jones: Do you know the defendant?
Jones: Yes.
Prosecutor: How long have you worked together?
Jones: 23 years.
Prosecutor: Have you seen any evidence of the defendant being a Christian?
Jones: He told me about giving money to the church to help children.
Prosecutor: Have you ever seen him bring a Bible to work?
Jones: Can’t say that I have.
Prosecutor: Did he talk about being a Christian?
Jones: Well, sometimes he would say things like: “Everybody ought to do right.” “The Man upstairs is watching us.” “We ought to do the best we can to help others,” and “The good book says…” and things like that.
Prosecutor: Did you ever see him pray on the job or over his food?
Jones: A few times I saw him close his eyes and put his fingers between them for a moment before eating.
Prosecutor: Did he ever talk to you about being a Christian or ask you to become a Christian?
Jones: No, he said all religions would get believers to the same place. I never felt any pressure from him to become a Christian.
Judge asks Defendant to take stand: You understand that if you are found guilty it could mean execution. Why would you do this?
Defendant: Well, I am getting old. My mother taught me as a little child that after death there is a heaven and a hell. One place is good. One place is bad. If I am not a Christian, I go to the bad place.
(Judge calls recess and deliberates in his chambers for almost two hours before returning and asking Defendant to stand.)
Judge to Defendant: You have been accused of being a Christian. You have pleaded guilty. However, this court cannot allow a defendant to be sentenced for a crime he did not commit. I have weighed the evidence. I have considered the testimonies. During the recess I did research on Christ and followers of Christ who committed their lives to THE WAY. You have associated yourself with Christians in various times and places. I am not a believer of The Way, but I have visited Christian churches to make speeches. Yes, I have even given money to help some of the charities of Christian causes. But I have never been a Christian, and have never advocated for The Way.
I find this case most unusual. You have lived your life outside The Way, yet you wish to be identified with The Way because of what you say is eternal life. However, in this court of law of man neither you, nor any of the witnesses have offered any evidence that justifies a verdict of guilty. This court hereby rejects your plea of “guilty” and remands you to authorities that will ensure you receive proper psychiatric help.
This court is adjourned.
Are you guilty of being a Christian?
Soberly,
Pastor Bare